'Pink Eggs and Ham

I am Ham. I am Ham. Spider-Ham.

That Spider-Ham! That Spider-Ham! I do not like hat Spider-Ham!

Do you like pink eggs and ham?

I do not like them, Spider-Ham.
I do not like pink eggs and ham.

Would you like them here or there?

I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like pink eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Spider-Ham.

So you would not like them with a house, or with a mouse, or on a train, or here, or there, or anywhere, but what about just jamming the most controversial things in Marvel Champions: Spider-Ham, 'Pool, and 41-card decks. Let's take it a step further and not even include a single card with Acceleration, Amplify, Crisis, or Hazard (even though Pandapool is super adorable). What are we even cooking here? 'Pink Eggs and Ham, my friend. This deck is all about accumulation a metric ton of TOON counters and just win win win, no matter what.

I would not eat them with a mouse

A wise man once said that "the real 'Pink Eggs and Ham were the friends we made along the way". I think it was John Cena. Anyway, we've just gone full Basic Pork in here. Ghost-Spider for extra redundancy with Captain Americat for getting your best pieces (either out of your deck or back into your deck... or, even gasp SYNERGY: both! Lots of good value here, but we don't stop there.

We are so basic 'how basic are you?' I hear you definitely asking without having to be prompted. Well, I'll tell you. Ironheart, Blockingbird, 'ol Cyclops (cos of the eyepatch.. you get it). All the old favourites, and they're still fresh as the day they were printed. Draw cards, stun some stuff. Block some stuff. They're great. No Professor X cos we have so much confuse already, but feel free to throw one if you want to revisit that one scene from Mac & Me.

There's even Spider-Man and even Spider-Man (now there are two of 'em!). They also just do very similar things. Spider-Man readies you (well, you you as in Spider-Ham not the other you), and Spider-Man readies your Organic Webbing or Stick-To-Itiveness to ready you (the first you).

I would not eat them here or there, or anywhere

The events are medium-rare, cooked to perfection, and served with a fancy side or something. There's some great utility here: there's "I Don't Think So!" to cancel treachery effects (even for your friends if you have them; they can be real or imaginary), Get in Front of Me! to cancel even more treacheries and build TOON counters, that other one to dodge threat and make even more TOON counters or kill off Ironheart for the 20th time.

Do you like status? I love status. Villains hate status, so let's give 'em some status. Cutupper stuns! Swinging Web Pig confuses! Just those two things! We actually don't want too much stun. Hey, here's a fun math problem: more stun = less TOON counters = Spider-Sad. But also dead Ham is a Sad-Ham, so when you gotta stun, you gotta stun.

Mulligan and Petulant Pig draw lots of a cards. Use Mulligan in combination with Ham's upgrades to dump some cards to get a better hand. It also allows you to dump cards into your discard like Spider-Man and play it later with Across the Spider-Verse. Petulant Pig also gets you TOON counters. Remember we love TOON counters. They're great. You can do things like play Ham It Up and Hogwashed for valuetown, population: you (this time you you, not Spider-Ham you).

I would not eat it with beefcake, cheesecake, or poundcake

But I would eat it with some Self Confidence, Self Control, and Self Preservation. If you have full health (which is just oh-so easy to accomplish with this deck... more on that later), you can spend down a bunch of cards and use one for Mulligan to get a crazy turn of value. Sometimes it's only worth 2 resources. Hey, that's still great. Energy, Genius, and Strength are also included cos we're basic as hell, and they're really good cards.

I would not each them in a house

But what about at The Daily Beagle? Maybe with your Team-Building Exercise (don't think about it too hard)? Remember that TBE works on your Web-Warrior allies and the many, many cartoon cards in your deck, even the The Daily Beagle itself.

Try it, you'll like it

The upgrades are what really help tie the meal together. We're talkin Blackout, we're talkin Huge Wooden Hammer, we're talkin War. What is it good for anyway? Actually, a lot: first we get TOON counters and there's lots of 3+ cost cards here. Sure, you'll whiff a lot and flip a Genius or something (ya genius), but you still get a free TOON out of it.

There's also so many tools for keeping yourself full of 'Pink Eggs, Ham, and hitpoints. Cartoon Physics can help reduce damage from an attack to a single point (guaranteed TOON counter, baby). Healing Factor can easily heal the single point of damage, ensuring your best Self. Down Time increases your REC. In conjunction with Healing Factor, you can heal to full from 3 hitpoints after the villain phase. Bonus points, you get TOON counters every time you heal, and also from your day job. There's one more to help keep you healthy, but more on that later.

First, you get up to 3 THW and 2 ATK, which is quite respectable. Specialized Training gets you to 4 THW or 3 ATK and drawing a card every round. With Stick-To-Itiveness and Organic Webbing, you'll have plenty of extra actions each round. Remember that Otto can ready one of them (even though you won't get a card) so you can ready one more time. Spider-Man of course readies you a lot as well. Just so much value.

And the final piece of the puzzle: Tic-Tac-Toe. It seems really easy, but actually it's quite complicated. Start at the top and do the left, then do the bottom right (or vice-versa, or versa-vice, whatever floats your ducks). Then do the outsides in the middle. Either way, you have to keep the middle open.

Here's a super beautiful visual representation:
|x|x|O|
|x|O|x|
|O|x|x|

Just fill the Xs first, then place your last one in either of the O squares, and get a full 7 healing and 7 damage out of it. With that healing, you can keep yourself at full health, heal Spider-Man for even more readies. Big thanks to Caldias for that. I was being super dumb about it and just getting 6 every game. Now I've seen the light.

TOOOOOOON

So why are TOON counters so important? Well, if you're still here and haven't read about them yet, let's have a looksee. First of all, this recipe reminds me of baking banana bread with my grandmother, and... oh, wait, wrong website. Ok, here we go. First of all, you get TOON counters every time you make a basic recovery (again, not you you...), The Daily Beagle, playing Captain Americat, and every time Spider-Ham takes damage in hero form. Any. Damage. Look at the villain sideways? TOON counter. Sneeze? Believe it or not, TOON counter. And then if we do even more reading, Spider-Ham allows you to spend them any time as a . You can also build a whole bunch and nuke a scheme with Ham It Up, do a lot of damage or thwarting with Hogwashed, cancel a treachery with "I Don't Think So!", ready yourself with Organic Webbing, or give yourself Overkill and extra ATK with a Huge Wooden Hammer (Otto can also ready this one instead of readying if the occasion calls for it).

You do not like them. So you say.
Try them! Try them! And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.

Say! I like pink eggs and ham!
I do! I like them, Spider-Ham!
And I would eat them in a boat.
And I would eat them with a goat.
And I will eat them in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And in a car. And in a tree.
They are so good, so good, you see!
So I will eat them in a box.
And I will eat them with a fox.
And I will eat them in a house.
And I will eat them with a mouse.
And I will eat them here and there.
Say! I will eat them anywhere!
I do so like pink eggs and ham!
Thank you! Thank you, Spider-Ham.